i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
