If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
