At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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