he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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