Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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