Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is it because I queefed?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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