I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
