Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
