did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
