is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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