laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
