absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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