i was born a porn star she said
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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