so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I am mentally ready for anal.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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