How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
