i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Panties = found
Randomize
