Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
