You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
