I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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