Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
