i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
