There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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