watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We need to get me chipped asap
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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