could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize