I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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