I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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