I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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