Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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