Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
