I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
