Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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