Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
