is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
