Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
