Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
