i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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