She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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