physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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