You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
