Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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