tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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