i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize