I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
