Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
not ubering you a puppy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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