My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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