No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
