can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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