Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
