TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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