my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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