Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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