in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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