Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize