wakey wakey hands off snakey
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
