Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
