Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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